Fatal Wardrobes (or League of Boobs 2)
by AllIWannaDo
Summary: Miss Fortune challenges Graves to a guys-vs.-gals match, failing to account for the disadvantages that the female champions' clothing and designs pose. All expected (and some unexpected) struggles and shenanigans ensue. (one-shot)


"You'll beg to surrender," Miss Fortune had told Graves when she'd challenged him to a match after she'd come upon him and some of the other male champions snickering and making lewd remarks - e.g. "I'd like to shoot a pinball in her hole" - about her arcade skin.

She'd insisted that she could still best him in a fight regardless of the disadvantages her outfit posed. That's when she'd challenged him, noting how his eyes drifted over her bulbous breasts as he accepted. She'd slapped him across the face twice - once with each of her guns.

Now the pair was in the middle of a match that pitted a team of all impractically dressed female champions against one of more intelligently designed male champions.

Miss Fortune had spent the first several minutes of the game poking Graves and farming. Although Leona had dashed to Graves and stunned him each time the opportunity presented itself, Taric's answering stun had always prevented Miss Fortune from capitalizing on the maneuver. Bot lane was in desperate need of a gank.

Finally, at ten minutes into the game, Elise told bot to expect a gank soon.

As Miss Fortune ran toward Graves in preparation for the gank, her right breast popped out of her shirt - or rather, the flimsy piece of white fabric that passed for a shirt.

"Hold it!" shouted the excitable female voice that announced the start and end of a match along with champion kills and deaths. "This game is rated T for blood, fantasy violence, use of alcohol and tobacco, and mildsuggestive themes. _Mild_ suggestive themes. That breast has moved outside of the realm of mild suggestion."

"Oh, so what?" Miss Fortune snapped.

"Put it away now or Riot crashes the server."

With a stamp of her foot and a strangled cry of frustration, Miss Fortune reluctantly lowered her guns and set to stuffing her breast back into her shirt.

Unfortunately for her, Graves, having had his fill of the sight of the bare breast, chose that moment to dive her.

"Son of a -" she said as she died.

Leona, predicting this move, had attempted to dash to Graves and stun him, but her heel caught in a pixel-sized crack in the dirt, causing her to stumble and miss the shot.

Meanwhile, in mid lane, Katarina was fighting Zed. Or, well, _he_ was fighting _her_.

"Your blood I spill for Noxus!" she screamed, shunpoing to Zed and flinging her daggers at him.

"Foolish girl," Zed replied as the blades bounced harmlessly off his armor, "I am the shadow in the darkness and you...you couldn't hide in darkness or light. Your tits are like a giant bull's-eye."

"Well...that was out of character," Katarina observed as Zed's blades sliced through her cleavage.

Up top, Riven was having difficulties of her own.

True, Garen's ability to interrupt her combo with his silence made him a natural counter to her, but he also had the advantage of not fighting with a carrot.

Riven waited until Garen's silence was on cooldown, then lunged at him.

"You are no match for me, self-righteous Demacian!" She brought the carrot down on his head.

Had Garen had a phobia of vegetables, her attack would've been successful in disarming him. However, as he did not, the attack did nothing but induce dizziness. Once he'd recovered, his more formidable weapon made short work of her.

She stared at her carrot-sword as though it had betrayed her as Garen spun toward her with a shout of (of course) "Demacia!"

Why had she listened to Miss Fortune and worn her Battle Bunny skin for this match? _Why, why, why?_ she thought as she was slain.

Elise's ganks had been both infrequent and ineffective, much to her teammates' annoyance. Running into a lane was painful without a bra or shirt. The emotional pain of jungling opposite Kha'zix, her long-time crush, wasn't helping either.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" she whined as she jogged, signaling her presence long before she appeared in lane. She'd tried running with her hands under her breasts, but in addition to being awkward, running like that left her unprepared to defend herself against her opponents. It slowed her down, too, which allowed Kha'zix to counter-jungle her while she was attempting to gank.

"Come on, Kha'zix, can't you let me get just one blue?" she pouted when she caught him in the act. "For the sake of your past feelings for me, if for no other reason?"

Kha'zix's face twisted into something of a sinister smirk as he turned and leapt to her, slashing her with his spikes.

Twenty minutes in and the match was over.

At least, that's what Miss Fortune's team thought as they respawned in their base after being aced for the third time. Graves and the others were at the nexus turrets. They could stall them, perhaps, but they couldn't prevent their inevitable defeat.

"Hey, what's this?" Riven asked, pointing to a switch concealed behind the weeds near the fountain.

Her teammates, who had been watching their inhibitor turrets crumble as their health dwindled, paused in their moping.

Leona examined the switch, glowing with sunlight as the realization of what it was dawned on her. "It's the reality switch! The switch that determines whether the physics and mechanics of the battles in this game make sense or not. We had it switched on when it's usually off. _That's_ how the nonsensically dressed, impossibly proportioned women that are the female League of Legends champions have any chance against their male opponents! Do you know what this means?"

Her teammates stared at her blankly.

"It means we can still win," she said with a triumphant flip of the switch.

Then Leona did the last thing the enemy team was expecting: she stunned them. At the same time, Miss Fortune unleashed her barrage of bullets and Katarina shunpoed to Graves and whirled her blades at him and every member of his team. They were dead before they could even consider retaliating.

Though long, the death timers wouldn't have been long enough for Miss Fortune's team to push into the enemy team's base and take their nexus, had Leona and Katarina not chosen teleport. With Leona tanking the hits from the nexus turrets, Katarina was able to destroy them - and, subsequently, the nexus they protected.

Miss Fortune's gloating in the aftermath of the game was insufferable.

* * *

 _ **A/N/Disclaimer:**_ I wrote this one-shot (and sort-of companion to my _League of Boobs_ one-shot) in 2014, when I was still playing League of Legends daily. As it's now 2018 and I haven't played at all in maybe two years, the character designs, UI, matchups, etc. featured here may be outdated. Nonetheless, I found the fanfic amusing enough to post after coming across it in my drive a few days ago.

Hope y'all enjoy!

Cheers,  
AllIWannaDo


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